Dear past,

Dear past,

Hey, it’s Elana. Not the Elana you remember though. A stronger, smarter, better Elana. The Elana that you helped to create.

All those tears you made me cry, well they taught me how to not be so naive.

All those harsh words you said to me just made my skin thicker.

All those times you cheated on me made me love my self more.

All those good memories that I have of you seem to outshine all of the bad ones.  Except with you Ryan. I hate you. My family hates you. My friends hate you. My cat hates you. The cops hate you. And I hope you hate yourself. Anyway..

All of times I wish I could relive over and over again, I do. In my dreams.

All of the words that I was too scared or too proud to tell you then, I’m telling you now.

Eric, I know I was young, and that our love was made up but I will always be glad that you were the one who took my virginity. There is always that one girl that talk to that hates the person who took theirs and I am just glad that I will never have that feeling. I know we had a rough patch but that was three years ago. We have both grown so much over these past three years. Thank you. That is all I want to say. Thank you.

Dustin, be a good dad. And be a good husband. Have a good life. Don’t be a man whore. Don’t be a “Dustin”.

Ryan, seriously, fuck you. I gave you so many chances. I almost ruined my life to be with you. I was the best thing that has ever happened to you and everyone knew it. You threw it all away. Do not ever try to come back to me. Do not ever show up at my door. You are not welcome in my life at all.

And Brandon. You hate me. I miss you. So much. I knew that we never should have dated. I knew it. Our friendship was way too good to put on the line like that. You were my best friend more than you were my boyfriend. But you never had time for me and that really hurt my soul. I just wanted to be with you. But you always had somewhere better to be.

And to all the other guys of my past, thanks, and suck it, and I hate you, and I love you, and I miss you and I hope you miss me.

 

 

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About mylifeaselana

Words can not describe me. But I try to use them to explain me. View all posts by mylifeaselana

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