That question has been in the back of my head for a while now. I just don’t know how to answer it.
I have my days where I am so glad that I am alone. Because when I am alone I can go places and do things and not feel guilty or remorse for not bringing my other half. Like last night, when I was at an amazing little coffee shop watching this little indietastic show. If I was in a relationship, then I would have not been able to soak in the beauty of all the boys with their beards and beanies and glasses that I am oh so addicted to. I would have not been able to eye fuck the cute photographer who was drinking a beer on the couch across from me. I really doubt that I would have been able to enjoy myself so much.
But then again, I have my days were all I freaking see is happy couples. The kind of couples that are so happy it’s just like a smack in the face when you see them. Like they were put on this earth to find each other and make you feel as if you are the biggest loser ever. And then I realize that all of my recent ex’s now have significant others who they quote and quote love. And that can’t make anyone feel good about them self.
And now that guitar boy is back in my life, that just brings me so much more confusion. I like him. He knows that I like him. And for the most part, I know that he likes me too. I think.
But, he says he doesn’t have time for a relationship. And when he says this I simply tell him that a relationship is the last thing on my mind but that is far from true.
I am a relationship kinda girl. I never was in the past but I have grown up a lot in the past few years and now I can say with confidence that I am a relationship person. I’m the type of girl who will cook and clean for her man and take care of him and try to make sure that he is happy. I want a guy to feel like he is part of my family.
But with Mr. Guitar boy, I don’t even know. He says he doesn’t want to lead me on, and I get that.
When we talked before, I really liked him and basically, he just thought I was hot and blah blah blah.
But I just really think he is scared of me. He knows that we just have natural chemistry.
The other day we were texting and just asking each other questions. And he came up with “If you had 1 day to spend with me what all would we go do :)” and I told him that all I would want to do is go to a zoo and eat, and that the rest was up to him. Then he responded with “haha so zoo and eat, and then id have you for whatever i wanted to do?” and then I said something witty about how he couldn’t rape me or whatever and he said “Noo haha cuddle and watch movies prolly and whatever else happens”
BUT HE DOES NOT WANT TO LEAD ME ON.
And then last night after I was on my way home from the show, he texted me. He asked if I picked up any hotties and I said no because sadly I did not. Then we got on the topic of me not being able to flirt anymore. And this is really true. I haven’t had the need to flirt nor anyone to flirt with so I just lost it. And then he said we could flirt.
BUT HE DOES NOT WANT TO LEAD ME ON.
But then the zoo topic came back up, by me of course. And I told him that he really does need to take me to the zoo. And he was fighting it. I was being cute and kept asking him please and he still kept saying no. He said that he did not want to lead me on. I told him that it was simply the zoo, that I did not expect anything from it but he still said no. Then he, well I don’t know. He said that he felt bad for letting me down.
I just want to go to the fucking zoo.
Then I realized that I really want to go with him. But that would make it like a date. I would LOVE that but he wouldn’t.
And also, he apologized for the past, which made me like him even more.
Ugh so yeah, that was my little pointless rant about what was on my mind