Confessions of a fuck girl. Part 2

Navy Boy

Now Navy boy was the last “good guy” that I had dated.
But I’ll be damned if he is truly the last one.
Once again, he started off sweet.
My high school sweetheart.
The boy that was always there my last few years of high school.
He was a nerd.
A skinny boy with all the right grades
but all the wrong moves.
Sometimes I blame myself for what he became.

Navy boy came into my life when Band boy was still using me as his
fuck girl.
Navy boy is one of the many whose heart I broke while with Band boy.
I didn’t mean to hurt him.
That was never my plan.
It always just happened.

We dated.
Broke up.
Dated again.
Broke up again.
The cycle just continued on for 3 long years.

Durring the summer after my senior year, we started talking again.
He was in basic training for the Navy, which had always been his dream.
He always wanted to join the Navy in order to make his life better
and while doing that, my life was also going to be better.
His life.
My life.
Our life.

And all of a sudden, it happened again.
We started falling.
We started planing.
We started daiting.
The cyle started again.
But this time I swore to break the later part of the fucked up cycle.
We were going to work.
The “us” that we always talked about was going to happen.
I was dead set on this.

The plan was that once he got back from training, he was going to be home for a month before he got shipped off to Japan.
We were going to spend that time precious time together.
I was going to be the perfect little navy girlfriend and write him letters and wait for him to get home so we could start
our life together.
Things were going perfect.
We talked everyday.
Fell more in love everyday.
Becoming more and more the perfect couple each and every day.
Until one day I realized something.

My perfect little Navy Boy was ashamed of me.
He did not come out and tell me this but
I knew.
He had friends that he talked to religiously.
Friends that I knew.
Freinds that I was friends with.
Friends he told everything to.
Everything but the fact that we were together again.
His family also knew nothing about us.

In my eyes, if you love someone you should’t want to
hide
that so called love.
You would want to
shout that love out to the world. Never
hide.

For the first few weeks this did not bother me.
I told myself that when he came back we were going to tell everybody.
I told myself that even though deep down I knew the truth.
He told me that when he came back we were going to go out to eat,
he was going to take me shopping, we were going to do anything and get anything in the world I wanted.
The day he got back, he did not see me.
The day after that, all we did was have sex.

He told me he loved me.
He bought me a ring.
He showed me he loved me but he didn’t prove it.

You can’t buy love.
You can’t fake love.
You can’t mistake love for lust.
You can not subsutitue love for sex.
That is what he did.

So I confronted him.
I told him that he was ashamed of me.
I told him that people needed to know about us.
I told him that I was leaving.
I told him that I was not going to be a secrect girlfriend.
I told him that I was better than that.
I told him that once he told people, then I would come back to him.

I told him to go fuck himself when he started dating that other girl.
I told him that he was a lair when he said that she was the “love of his life.”
I told him to go to hell.

Navy boy fucked the fuck girl over.
Weed Boy

Every fuck girl has had a Weed Boy in her life.
Her first boyfriend.
Her first kiss.
The first boy to tell her that they love her.
The first boy that swore up and down that they were going to get married.
The first boy to she loved.
The first boy who broke her heart.

I met Weed Boy in 8th grade.
We met through mutual friends.
His parents were divorced and he lived with his mom, in the town I lived in, on the weekends
and his dad durring the week.
Since we were only 13 and could not drive, we never really saw eachother.
We dated for a little bit and then broke up before 8th grade year was over.
We didn’t talk anymore and I thought that was the end of it.

Freshman year rolled around and for some reason, Weed Boy came back in my life.
(Have you noticed that all of these boys come back into my life at one point?)
So we started talking again.
Late night phone conversations.
Hours and hours of talking.
Going to school on 3 hours of sleep.
I thought he was worth it.
I thought that we could work out.
I thought we were older and wiser.
I thought wrong.

Once again, we broke up.
Once again, we stopped talking.

Once again, he came back into my life.
But low and behold, he came back into my life when
Band Boy owned it.

He came back into my life
the month after Band Boy took my virgnity.
He came back into my life too soon.

Around that time I was also doing winterguard.
We had a competiton almost every weekend.
One night while driving home from a competition, I decided to call Drug Boy.
He had just gotten his liscense and his mom had left him home alone with
the car so he wanted to come pick me up.
Around midnight I got home, got decent and snuck out.
The drive to his house was quite awkward since it has been about 2 years
since we last saw eachother.

We arrived to his house.
We went to his room.
We layed on the bed.
We started talking about life and how many things have changed.
Drug Boy knew that my weakness is being tickled.
So of course, he started to do just that.
Then he started to kiss me.
Then he called me his angel, which is what he called me when we were together.
Then he started to take off my clothes.
Then he said that I would always be his angel.
Then he said he loved me and always will.
Then he started to have sex with me.

When we were younger, we always planned to lose our virginitys together.
He lost his to me.
I already lost mine to Band Boy.
When we were done, it was starting to turn daylight.
He took me home and I crawled into my room from a window.

The next day he got a girlfriend.

Weed Boy had his first fuck with the fuck girl.
Weed Boy fucked over the fuck girl.

But does the Weed Boy story end there?
Oh of course not.

The next year, Weed Boy happened to show up in my life again.
This is when he started to get really into drugs.
Always high.
Always thinking about getting high.
Always talking about getting high.
Always wanting to be high.

We started talking again and since he was in town, he wanted to hang out.
I was babysitting at the time and I told him that he could come over if he wanted to.
The kids were asleep and I was allowed to have people over.

Weed boy brought weed, and we both smoked it outside.
Weed boy started talking about the past.
Weed boy once again said that I will always be his angel.
Weed boy started kissing me.
Weed boy started touching me.
Weed boy started fucking me.
Weed boy left.
He left me happy and wanting more.

A few weeks later he came over again.
We talked.
We kissed.
We touched.
We fucked.
Then we talked again.
I wanted more.
I wanted him.
I wanted us.
He didn’t.
He left.
He left for good.

Weed Boy fucked over the fuck girl once again.

 

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About mylifeaselana

Words can not describe me. But I try to use them to explain me. View all posts by mylifeaselana

One response to “Confessions of a fuck girl. Part 2

  • Danniel

    It might take time, but I still believe you’re going to end up with someone who treats you right, and deserves your love. I’m not certain of many things in life, but I’m certain of that.

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